Back Into That Tunnel

We have all at some point started a new chapter in life. An average person may have started multiple new chapters. A new chapter can be characterized as a new job, relocation, change in relationships, or simply even adding a family member (like the addition of a child or adopting a pet). New chapters only open when there is a shut down on another, hence the anxiety. No one knows what to expect. It is almost like we are walking into this dark tunnel, blindsighted, with great ambition and hopes for the best but really wish to see (and could also kill to know) what is at the end of this long unending drag of a tunnel.

When starting a new chapter it is important to have good control over our emotions since it can get the best of us. Hence surrounding oneself with positive people makes a significant impact in how well the new chapter begins. Positive people do not necessarily have to be your family and closest friends. Sometimes, people who are the closest to you, people who know everything about you – your strengths and weakness, your problems, your worries, your past – can be the ones who can put you down because they can very easily, intentionally or unintentionally, be reminders of those moments you do not want to carry into your new chapter.

Positive people are people who do not know you for your past but know you for who you are now. They definitely do not have expectations of you, nor do they have preconceived notions about what you expect from them. When you have conversations with these positive people, it should make you feel uplifted, not necessarily needed. Being needed can lead to feeling obligated to provide them the satisfaction and happiness, which in some cases, you just cannot afford to do so. The main reason being, when we start a new chapter, we are looking for satisfaction and happiness ourselves, and that in itself can be a challenge.

You see, new chapters should not be as complicated as we make it seem to be. Let us take a new job for example. Our first couple days are filled with nervousness and anxiety as we want to present ourselves in the best possible light in front of our supervisors and colleagues. We stress over our performance and come home that evening and vent about how we made a mistake while entering this data which threw off or delayed a process because of which we now feel they probably are regretting hiring us. We forget it is a new chapter, a new job. We call it new for the obvious reasons – we have never worked there before, we are learning new processes and we forget that learning involves making mistakes.

Similarly, new chapters in relationships can be either enthrallingly joyful or excruciatingly painful. In both instances, our heart beat rises, we have several questions, our knees feel weak and we wish we could predict what the future has in store for us. When we fall into a relationship, we worry about if we made a good decision, we tend to doubt our feelings from time to time, and we wonder where the relationship is heading to. When we fall out of a relationship, we are just miserable (unless of course the relationship itself was toxic), and it is like our world fell apart. All of a sudden we have been dropped from the tallest building in the world and we’re falling, still falling, and still falling, and we feel like there is no end to this misery. It feels like we are all alone and will be forever alone. Fortunately, the simple solution to dealing with new relationship chapters is to just go with the flow. See where life takes us, enjoy every moment rather than stress over what we have absolutely no control over.

Life itself is a tunnel..with few windows here and there. It is safe to keep in mind that there is always an end to this tunnel and at the end, there is light. Chapters open and close, we gain and lose along the way. What makes us successful at the end of our journey is how beautifully we come out of our struggles.

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