Compromising in relationships is not always a good thing

Relationships are interesting experiences. Although we get our share of downs, we learn from our experiences and our experiences are what makes us who we are today. One quality anyone in a relationship should have is the ability to compromise.

Although compromising and coming into terms with certain things is essential, it does tend to alter you as a person. For the sake of the relationship you learn to change and be a certain way you were not before. This can be a good thing, and sometimes not so much. You tend to lose yourself being a part of someone else’s life. You get your needs confused to someone else’s needs. You get your way of living confused with someone else’s preferences. You end up not only compromising with your significant other, but also yourself as you start forming reasons and excuses to justify why this so-and-so change or compromise should be made and why this is probably “good” for YOU.

Change can be good. But not in all cases. Below are five instances where you have to think a few times before you decide to compromise:

1) Time you spend with each other

The most important thing in your relationship is the time you spend together. Whether your significant other lives within your zipcode or whether it is long distance, there are several ways you can keep in touch. In the case of LDRs, you can talk over the phone and video chat as often as possible. In other cases, meet in person. Problem arises when you meet once every month or so, at the movies, and head back home..and that is all your relationship is based on. What do you think you just did there? Just sat yourselves down, and walked back out. Did you talk? Did that make you guys feel any closer? Maybe you have been in that relationship for years and don’t have much to say. If the other person feels this is normal, you do not have to force yourself to feel likewise. Because it really is not normal. Talking, preferably in-person, does wonders for your relationship. Do not ever settle for anything else.

2) Method of communication 

My favorite but also not so favorite subject. One word – technology. With the invention of smart phones, our fellow humans have successfully managed to change our preferred method of communication. Some of us may say they prefer the “old school way”.. that is, actually conversing whether it be over the phone or in person. But honestly, how often can you hold a phone conversation with your significant other especially when both of you are busy professionals. This takes us to the issue of texting. Texting, I think, is a home-wrecker. This form of communication is good for a quick update or just an alternative for voicemails. But to have a full blown conversation with your significant other over text messaging should never be deemed as normal. Even worse is arguing over text messages – It’ll leave you nothing but a big plate of misunderstandings, with a side of anger, and an ugly glass of depression. Avoid it as much as possible.

3) Commitment

I feel both parties should be on the same page as far as commitment or else it is not a relationship. Both should be comfortable enough to talk about where they stand and what is next. One person cannot be open to seeing other people while the other is committed. On the other hand, both cannot be in a “committed” relationship for years together while one feels they are heading nowhere. Compromising your commitment to match with the other person is not fair to you. I personally do not think it is normal to wait around for whatever comes next because serious relationship will always have goals. Relationship commitment also reflects how mature both are as a couple. It is never to be taken lightly. Simple put: If the person is not abrupt to committing with you but is abrupt enough to get into the sheets with you, you should think twice about staying around. Unless of course you enjoy it that way.

4) Feelings for each other

“I love you.. No I love you more!” This is a tricky one because sometimes, or often, we tend to think we love more than our significant other. When there are obvious signs of love from the other person, do not push it. It is not fair to want to be the only person in his or her life. But if you see no affection from the other end and it is leaving you confused, communicate. In my opinion, when a person is unable to verbalize his or her love for you, it either means they are not sure about how they feel or they just do not see you the way you see them. Actions do speak louder than words. But when the topic is brought up verbally, and you are trying to have a mature conversation, verbally expressing the feelings is required. But what if you begin to realize the person does not love you? It is difficult and heart breaking to accept that your significant other does not feel the same way you do about him or her..especially if you both have been together for a long time. But acceptance has to happen. Do not compromise with the other person’s feelings for you and make excuses. Accept it and make a wise decision for yourself. Wise may not mean happy. In this case you have two choices – wait or move on.

5) The end

The moment comes when you both realize maybe this is not meant to be, or maybe this is just not the right time for both of you to be together. So now, how you decide to end your relationship will directly reflect your feelings for each other after everything has ended. There is no compromising in break-ups. Always communicate clearly as to why both of you think it is the right thing to do, and what to expect and what not to. It is unacceptable for one person to break away completely from the relationship while making the other person feel it is just a break (time away from each other). It is important to state things as it is and not sugarcoat and give false hopes. Never settle for an unsure break-up. Like every aspect of a relationship, both should be on the same page when breaking up. Any mature relationship deserves a respectful end.

As social beings, we compromise on a daily basis not only in our romantic relationships, but also friendships, with coworkers, classmates etc. Compromising is a way of life. However, it is important to know when to draw the line so we can prevent any avoidable emotional discomfort. If you don’t, before you know it, you will find yourself living by someone else’s rules and not on your own. We do not want that, do we?

Compromise Responsibly 🙂

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